you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He better not be in your backpack
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
