yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
