FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
