fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
