So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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