actually, I'm a sock model
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
