can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
