I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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