Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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