Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
