Small penises have feelings too.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
