Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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