Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Randomize
