THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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