i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
