Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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