I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
