spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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