just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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