we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
