You're so nebulous sometimes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
