is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
