Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
