She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
