he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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