whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
