If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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