kristin has been a bad kristin
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who died my cat blue again?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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