In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
