I wannas sexs uuuuu
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
