when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
