I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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