my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
