I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize