wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
