I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
