what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
