we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
