if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
