in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Randomize
