if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
