the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
