covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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