what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
