He kissed a someone with a penis
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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