bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
