Small penises have feelings too.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
