it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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