I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
