the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
