I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
