I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
