I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
