I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
