The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
