she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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