I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
