I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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