if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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