That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
