It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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