well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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