He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
