ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
