awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize