If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
