with your own penis?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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