i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
