You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
