He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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